Our walks with God are neverending. They have many different phasets to them. The one illustration that I heard to describe this journey is that it's like school. You take all these subjects. One subject building on the next. You move forward with some subjects faster than others. Some courses you even have to repeat but your moving. One area I feel like God has been moving me in is the subject of a "help mate'".
I grew up very independant. That is the way I was raised. As the oldest child I was cooking, cleaning and doing laundry like a pro by the age of 9. My parents were partners and it worked for them with 7 children. It's funny growing up I thought I would be married by 20 done with kids by 23 and be done.
Somehow that didn't pan out the way I had planned. Obviously because I am 8 years behind schedule! Never the less I don't regret, hold anger against or resent God for the path that He has created for me.
I will prefess with saying that I have throughly enjoyed my singleness! But I must admit there are moments when it is hard to talk about contentment in singleness when you feel called to be a "help mate". But it wasn't until recently that God revealed to me something. How can I be a true help mate when I have no concept of what that truly means?
In these last few years I have said many a times that I feel sorry for the poor man that ends up with me. It was mostly meant as a joke. Yet because of my preconceived notion as to what marriage was and what the role of a wife was that statement had a little truth to it.
I also had to walk through surrendering my singleness. Like I said I have loved being single. I can be used by God in ways as a single woman that I would not be able to as a married woman. It is just me and God. No go betweens, no one else to submit to just me and Him. He's the leader in my relationship. My submission goes straight to the top.
Yet in these last six months I have felt God do an amazing work in me. I find myself excited at the possibility of being a side kick with someone. Don't get me wrong I keep it realistic in the fact that God may never bless me with this but if He would I'd take the challenge head on! The thought of knowing someone so well, being able to laugh with them so bad your stomach hurts. To share a home that you have created with your husband. Making deals about who does what chores. One of mine will definitely be the trash, I hate taking out the trash! The ying to yang. Who appreciates my independance and loves and values me for it. Someone to dance with, make coffee for and watch tv after a long days work. A permanent work out partner, someone to love and serve as Christ has called and someone to fight with. Someone that knows me so well that he can tell me when I am being too analitical or serious and when I need to relax. Someone who loves me, the pretty woman that does her hair and puts on a dress. As well as the woman who lounges in a tank top and mens athletic shorts. I could do the for better or worse. I could do the sickness and health. Because I would know that God molded me for him and him for me. With every flaw and every imperfection I would stand knowing that this thing called marriage is one that all though we have walked independantly with Christ we come together to honor Him with a union He sanctified, blessed and called us to. That is something that I would not have been able to say a year ago. I am moving forward in this subject and this is one I class I don't think I'll sleep through.
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