A Choice

Each day we have a choice. Which way are we going to live our life for that day. Over the last 13 years I have lived a lot of life. I have lost 13 people in the last 13 years to death. I have walked through countless health issues and worked through my fair share of tribulations. So yesterday my mom asked me why I live my life so seriously. What was I waiting for? The answer was simple after all the life I have had to live I was waiting for the ball to drop yet again. For someone close to me to pass away, for some other health issue not including my recent back injury, for the phone to ring with the next crisis.

For someone who can't stand drama and likes to keep things easy I have not been able to always live my life that way. When things around me fall apart I am the one consistent thing. I am prepared, I am cool, calm and collected, I am the person you want to have on your team during crisis because I am an expert at dealing with it.

It also brought up a huge issue that I didn't necessary know I had with God. A trust issue the- I can't fully trust you because of the stack of cards you gave me-kind of issue. Now I am not saying that I don't believe in Him or that my view and heart have changed. What I am acknowledging is that this is a BIG issue. This has shaped the last 13 years of my life. This has shaped me as a person and as someone who believes things have a purpose I didn't exactly know what to make of this. But this has caused me to take ownership for how I got here and where I want to go from here. I want to have freedoms in life, I don't want to always be the reserved, responsible, steady one. Don't misunderstand me, I know how to have fun and can be the life of the party but I also know that I have missed out on things. I mean I don't want to go A-wall or compromise myself. I do however want to explore more, experience more and enjoy more. I don't want to wait for the next ball to drop. I want to live each day thoroughly and fully. I want to find the freedom I know I can have without loosing the fundamentals of me.

I am confident in who I have become and am excited about how I am going to continue to grow and change. I don't know exactly how this will all come to fruition but what I do know is it excites me down to my core.

Each day to the fullest, one day at a time. Everyday I have my choice to make on how I am going to live my life for that day. For such a time as this.....