Is there an ability to be both a left brain and a right brain type of person? I know your usually one or the other but I feel like I struggle from suffering from both. Growing up I would say I was way more right brain. I had tones of feelings, I barried but I could get them out through drawing and poetry. I also secretly desired be discovered that I could hold a note so that I could allow myself to flourish in that as well. I wanted desperatley to be like the free bird Lynyrd Skynyrd sings about.
Then life happened, my father died and I think a big part of my right brain died too. I remember I had a school poetry project that my sophmore english teacher had given us right around the time my father passed away. That project was one of the last times I allowed myself to write. That was 13 years ago.
Now as I look back I see that I made many bad choices in how I dealt with that loss. One of the things I wish for now is that I would have given myself more freedom. Responsibilty and adulthood set in and I no longer allowed myself the freedoms to write, draw or sing. Then in the last three years it seems like God is allowing me to find some of that again.
Singing is definitely something I miss. You tend to take for granted when you have the ability to do something every week. Don't get me wrong I couldn't get enough of it but it means so much more now. There were so many challenges, so many things that I still don't know in regards to my voice. I loved discovering, learning and being challenged on levels so drastically different from my day to day. I loved being challenged as an artist. There is so much I still have to learn. But even in this time off there is so much that I have been able to refine in the quite practices I have in my little apartment. It is one of the greatest gifts that I have been entrusted with and it is one of the areas of my life that I most vulnerable.
Writing is something that comes much easier to me. Even though I am very rusty it allows me freedom to project the different viewpoints I have had or have. Writing for me is like breathing. It flows easier for me than for most. Yet it is a freedom I don't allow myself as much as I should.
Then there is the left brain. My left brain makes my lists, is my voice of reason but with this gift it also keeps me as an artist confined. It is my biggest critic and my confidence at the same time.
So I sit here between the line of left and right brain with the ability to do both with the desire to do both and trying to find freedom in having both. I know the freedoms I have in my left brain being able to see a vision and instantly thinking through all the different actions that need to be taken to see it come to fruition. Now it is learning to allow myself to be right brained and allow myself to explore and enjoy the freedom in creating, exploring and soaring as an artist. Even using the word artist is a start. I would never have allowed myself that acknowledgement or freedom 6 months ago let alone 3 years ago. It will be interesting to see where I go from here.
Then life happened, my father died and I think a big part of my right brain died too. I remember I had a school poetry project that my sophmore english teacher had given us right around the time my father passed away. That project was one of the last times I allowed myself to write. That was 13 years ago.
Now as I look back I see that I made many bad choices in how I dealt with that loss. One of the things I wish for now is that I would have given myself more freedom. Responsibilty and adulthood set in and I no longer allowed myself the freedoms to write, draw or sing. Then in the last three years it seems like God is allowing me to find some of that again.
Singing is definitely something I miss. You tend to take for granted when you have the ability to do something every week. Don't get me wrong I couldn't get enough of it but it means so much more now. There were so many challenges, so many things that I still don't know in regards to my voice. I loved discovering, learning and being challenged on levels so drastically different from my day to day. I loved being challenged as an artist. There is so much I still have to learn. But even in this time off there is so much that I have been able to refine in the quite practices I have in my little apartment. It is one of the greatest gifts that I have been entrusted with and it is one of the areas of my life that I most vulnerable.
Writing is something that comes much easier to me. Even though I am very rusty it allows me freedom to project the different viewpoints I have had or have. Writing for me is like breathing. It flows easier for me than for most. Yet it is a freedom I don't allow myself as much as I should.
Then there is the left brain. My left brain makes my lists, is my voice of reason but with this gift it also keeps me as an artist confined. It is my biggest critic and my confidence at the same time.
So I sit here between the line of left and right brain with the ability to do both with the desire to do both and trying to find freedom in having both. I know the freedoms I have in my left brain being able to see a vision and instantly thinking through all the different actions that need to be taken to see it come to fruition. Now it is learning to allow myself to be right brained and allow myself to explore and enjoy the freedom in creating, exploring and soaring as an artist. Even using the word artist is a start. I would never have allowed myself that acknowledgement or freedom 6 months ago let alone 3 years ago. It will be interesting to see where I go from here.
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