Rummaging through a table full of books ready to go to Goodwill after a friends yard sale The Imperfectionists by Tom Rachman caught my attention. I have lived the majority of my life a perfectionist seeking to become okay with imperfections. I have no idea what this book is even about but it is what the cover did to me this weekend that I decided to share.
When I found that book I laughed because one of my saying in life is that I am unapologetically imperfect. If you know me you know that is a stretch. I grew up trying to be perfect for me and for everyone. A chameleon of sorts. It was a talent I had perfected but not one that brought much peace and settlement to my life. So in an attempt to rediscover myself I grabbed the book and began to think, as I always do.
Will I ever be perfect or will I just learn to own and embrace my imperfections?
I process this internally all of Saturday and into Sunday night. I sat at the beach thinking how my life had not turned out the way I would have predicted a year ago. Then as emotion began to overtake my eyes thinking about the many successes and the many failures, I found refuge in my sunglasses and chose to get lost in the waves. A sudden urge to go to church overcame me as I made the trek home.
Acts was the sermon series at the church I attended that night. As I listened to how amazing Paul was, how sacrificial he was and how his faith never wavered the overwhelming feeling of failure took residence in my heart once again. I found myself talking to God : "I will never have Paul's faith. I will never sacrifice like he did. I will never be Paul." Then as soon as those thoughts came in they were quickly rebutted with " You don't have to be Paul. You don't have to make his sacrifices. I am asking you to be you, have your faith, your relationship with and just own that."
At the end of the night of the night I realized a few things. I will never be perfect, I can't be, I don't know how. Even if I asked people what perfection was everyone's answer would be different because everyone's perfect looks differently. What I can me is unapologetically imperfectly me. Be who God has created and asked me to be and that's it. I will love people the way He loves, I will see them they way He sees them and I will live my life with few regrets. I will be who I am and nothing less. What I can be is an imperfectionist, striving for perfection with the full knowledge I won't attain it in this lifetime but I can have fun trying and enjoy the life I've been given while I got it.
I am unapologetically imperfectly me, I am Brittany.
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