You ever have one of those weeks where you just can't wait for it to be over? For me that is this week. After a week of sickness and finally having a good day Sunday I was looking forward to the week ahead. Hoping it would build off of one really good day. That was not the case. Six months ago I would have just sat in my sadness. Wallowed in my feelings and said screw you God, I love you but how dare you.
Something in these last couple months has changed. Instead of being irate about things, hurting so deep internally that I get lost inside myself why sounded like a much better response. Over the last year I think I have been too afraid to ask why. Afraid of the answer or lack there of from the Lord because sometimes the truth just plain hurts or sometimes silence can hurt more.
Like why is this the season He has me in of learning who I am, learning what a Godly man looks like and what He made relationships for, learning to have healthy boundaries in my friendships and relationships and learn who God is and how to see Him and the different aspects of His character.
For so long I have seen God as my punisher, my judge and my jury. He is my judge but there was a key to God's character that I didn't see Him as. My Father dotes over his children. He is a Father that loves His children. He just wants to see us happy, give us blessings and bring us joy. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing." Ephesians 1:3
The pain and hurt I have experienced in my life has made me who I am today. As hard as my story has been I still wouldn't change it. I don't know what the big picture is and I won't ever fully know my place in it. All I do know is that each day my trust with the Lord grows, slowly but surely. Just like any relationship it takes time. I will never waiver from my God again. I came back to the Lord 10 years ago there have been hard times and there have been great times in my life. But above all the Father that loves me, dotes over me, wants to protect and bless me has waited patiently as my heart heals, as I ask for more of Him and less of me and as He does some reconstruction. The goal: to be more like Christ and on that day that I stand before Him have Him say " Well done good and faithful servant."
Something in these last couple months has changed. Instead of being irate about things, hurting so deep internally that I get lost inside myself why sounded like a much better response. Over the last year I think I have been too afraid to ask why. Afraid of the answer or lack there of from the Lord because sometimes the truth just plain hurts or sometimes silence can hurt more.
Like why is this the season He has me in of learning who I am, learning what a Godly man looks like and what He made relationships for, learning to have healthy boundaries in my friendships and relationships and learn who God is and how to see Him and the different aspects of His character.
For so long I have seen God as my punisher, my judge and my jury. He is my judge but there was a key to God's character that I didn't see Him as. My Father dotes over his children. He is a Father that loves His children. He just wants to see us happy, give us blessings and bring us joy. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing." Ephesians 1:3
The pain and hurt I have experienced in my life has made me who I am today. As hard as my story has been I still wouldn't change it. I don't know what the big picture is and I won't ever fully know my place in it. All I do know is that each day my trust with the Lord grows, slowly but surely. Just like any relationship it takes time. I will never waiver from my God again. I came back to the Lord 10 years ago there have been hard times and there have been great times in my life. But above all the Father that loves me, dotes over me, wants to protect and bless me has waited patiently as my heart heals, as I ask for more of Him and less of me and as He does some reconstruction. The goal: to be more like Christ and on that day that I stand before Him have Him say " Well done good and faithful servant."
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