I tried to explain to my roommates today what it's like living a life where you don't know what's going to happen, with anything. Needless to say I'm being asked to walk by faith in all aspects of life at once! With my health, job, finances, singleness, past, future, present I feel like God is asking of me what I would have to say is the scariest thing at the most unstable time in my life, "just trust me."
How does one do that fully and stay grounded? I'll let you know when I find out. What I know is on paper I have a right to have anxiety and panic be ever present in my life. I can't give any answer to any question right now other than "we'll see" or "you're guess is as good as mine." All I know I have never been more scared and rooted at the same time. I have never worried so much and had a peace as I do right now. All I can think of is when the disciples were in the boat and the storm was tossing them to and fro while Jesus slept down inside the boat. The disciples not knowing what would happen next go and wake Jesus to come calm the raging sea. Jesus woke up and with one moment stopped everything. I feel like that is where I am. I am in that boat, life raging all around me waiting patiently for Jesus to come calm the sea.
I don't have any answers. I don't know what's going on with my health, I don't know what is next with my job, I don't know if a man will ever come along and see me for me and want to pursue me, I don't know if I'll ever marry or how God will provide for me financially. What I do know is He picked me, He chose me to walk through this test, this trial and that is an amazing honor. I have never been more scared in my life but unlike others I have God in my corner. I can wake Jesus and say "come calm the storm because the waves are just too big or otherwise I'll drown."
Your guess is as good as mine as to what the outcome will be but come Monday at midnight I'll know. And one way or the other 'll know something and as scared as I may be that's the path and journey He has me on. Me, He chose me.
How does one do that fully and stay grounded? I'll let you know when I find out. What I know is on paper I have a right to have anxiety and panic be ever present in my life. I can't give any answer to any question right now other than "we'll see" or "you're guess is as good as mine." All I know I have never been more scared and rooted at the same time. I have never worried so much and had a peace as I do right now. All I can think of is when the disciples were in the boat and the storm was tossing them to and fro while Jesus slept down inside the boat. The disciples not knowing what would happen next go and wake Jesus to come calm the raging sea. Jesus woke up and with one moment stopped everything. I feel like that is where I am. I am in that boat, life raging all around me waiting patiently for Jesus to come calm the sea.
I don't have any answers. I don't know what's going on with my health, I don't know what is next with my job, I don't know if a man will ever come along and see me for me and want to pursue me, I don't know if I'll ever marry or how God will provide for me financially. What I do know is He picked me, He chose me to walk through this test, this trial and that is an amazing honor. I have never been more scared in my life but unlike others I have God in my corner. I can wake Jesus and say "come calm the storm because the waves are just too big or otherwise I'll drown."
Your guess is as good as mine as to what the outcome will be but come Monday at midnight I'll know. And one way or the other 'll know something and as scared as I may be that's the path and journey He has me on. Me, He chose me.
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